7 Guidelines for Having “The Talks” with Your Kids
Having “the talks” isn’t easy for anyone.
“You’re going to feel awkward. You’re going to be uncomfortable. Every parent who has come before you felt awkward and uncomfortable,” says Barrett Johnson, author and founder of INFO for Families.
But having “the talks’, as Barrett puts it because it should be more than a one-and-done conversation, is an important part of guiding your children as they grow into who God has planned for them to be.
Here are 7 guidelines Barrett shared with host Matt Lake on the TALKITUP podcast about having these critical conversations:
1. Get Prayed Up
“Ultimately what God wants us to do is look to Him for guidance and support,” Barrett explained. “If He had given us a checklist for parenting, we would follow the checklist and never talk to Him.”
In fact, we’ve called these 7 suggestions guidelines, but they are by no means a checklist for perfect parenting. Every child, every parent, and every situation is different. Success–as relevant as the term is–depends on God’s guidance and grace.
2. Dads Talk to Sons; Moms Talk to Daughters
This isn’t to say dads should never talk about these things with their daughters, moms should never talk about them with their sons, or single parents have their hands tied. However, because of the link between gender and sex, moms have a unique perspective relevant to their daughters while fathers have a unique perspective relevant to their sons. Therefore, the same gender parent should be the one to lead the conversation, while the opposite gender parent plays a more supportive role.
3. Create Milestone Events to Engage Conversations
“I’m not saying invite all your friends and family for a pool party,” Barrett clarified. “But something we did with our kids was when they were about ten years old, we took them for a weekend getaway in Colorado where we went hiking and white-water rafting and had critical conversations in between.”
4. Practice Before You Preach
To help you prepare, run what you plan to say to your kids by your spouse or a trusted friend before you have the conversation.
5. Keep It Age Appropriate
With the hypersexuality of our culture, the age of when parents should be initiating these types of conversations with their kids is younger than ever. However, there are still details that younger children aren’t mature enough to grasp.
6. Ask for a Response
This isn’t just to give your children an opportunity to ask for clarity, but also to help with retention.
7. Put Everything in the Right Context
As families of faith, “the right context” means “the Biblical context.” Your children not only need to know you’re a safe person to come to with questions, but that the values of your household are built on Jesus–the only Truth and Way.
They need to understand their identity, gender, and sexuality comes from God, not anything the world has to offer.
You can learn more from Barrett about having critical conversations with your kids by tuning into “Episode 4: Critical Conversations” of the TALKITUP podcast below or on your favorite podcast platform.
From October 30,2024 – November 20,2024, Barrett Johnson will be leading a Bible study for parents at Mt. Bethel Church called “Guiding Your Kids to a Faith that Lasts.” Find details and register here.